Christmas 2012 was our first Christmas as a family of three, and in true new mom style, I was all in for creating Christmas memories. It was our time to start new family traditions, and the possibilities were endless.
Get a picture of baby Charlotte sitting on my lap and decorating this cookie. We have to decorate cookies every year!
Let's cut down a tree this year. From now on, we’re getting real trees AND cutting them down ourselves!
Gingerbread houses? Caroling? Oh, and a Christmas countdown where our kids can open an envelope every day and do something Christmasy!
Matching Christmas pjs? Obviously.
I think it’s important we do some volunteer work during the holidays.
And gathering for a time of Advent every Sunday evening.
Town Tree Lighting Ceremony, Zoo Lights, Drive Thru Nativity! Let’s do it all!
When I was younger, my dad read The Night Before Christmas every Christmas Eve. My older brother and I sat next to him on the living room couch for the short, simple story. No fanfare. Charlotte turned three months old on Christmas Eve, and in all our hubbub over starting family traditions, I decided that The Night Before Christmas on the living room couch wasn’t going to cut it for this new family. Instead, Stephen and I declared that every Christmas Eve, our family would cuddle in bed to read The Polar Express with flashlights under the covers. Adorable, right? Bless us.
So that first Christmas Eve we zipped up our little girl in her fleece Christmas pjs, and the three of us snuggled into bed with a flashlight, starting one of many favorite family traditions. I envisioned our family growing, more children squeezing under those sheets with flashlights, even headlamps, to climb aboard the magical Polar Express. I imagined our children coming home from college for winter break insisting we continue the tradition. And then, grown adults in matching Christmas onesies barely fitting into a bed together, giggling with holiday glee. Oh, and then the first grandbaby! This was going to be the most precious of Becker family traditions!
Spoiler alert. It’s never happened again.
Not once.
*****
95% of Instagram scrolling rots my brain. I am no better for it and usually worse. But that 5% is golden, and a few weeks ago one of my favorite reading influencers posted a video with this caption on the preview: “If your holiday traditions aren’t working now that you have teens and tweens.” Honestly, I didn’t listen to what she said about the topic—the title was enough, and it prompted a good dose of freedom in how I thought about traditions this year.
This is my 13th Christmas as a mom and the only long-standing Christmas tradition our family has is one I am not even involved in. For 12 years, Stephen has taken age appropriate children to the mall on the Saturday before Christmas to shop for gifts for me. He then takes them to “fancy lunch” at Maggiano’s, and it is not an exaggeration to say my children talk about this tradition all year long. Although I am very grateful for a quieter day at home the Saturday before Christmas, there is some irony to the fact that my children’s favorite holiday tradition is not a family tradition; it is a dad and kids tradition. And unlike my Polar Express under the sheets attempt, this tradition wasn’t declared or decided upon. It just sort of happened one year. And then again the next year. And the next.
There was once a time we went to the Zoo Lights every Christmas season, but a couple years ago I didn't renew our zoo membership, and not one child has asked to go back.
We actually did have 4 year run cutting down our tree at a Christmas tree farm until one year we hauled ourselves out to the middle of nowhere only to learn the trees were stricken with root disease and our only option was a tree from the barn that had been shipped in from Wisconsin. We’ve never been back, but Ed’s Feed and Seed is just 15 minutes up the road and has become an exceptional replacement.
I did create a Christmas countdown with little envelopes strung across the mantel, and for years we opened an envelope every day to reveal that day’s activity. This worked when I was home with toddlers and preschoolers, looking for something to fill our days, but now that my children spend their day at school, we have no need for 24 daily Christmas activities.
For many years, our family celebrated Santa Lucia Day on December 13, a Swedish holiday where the oldest daughter dresses in a white robe and candle wreath passing out lussekatter buns. This holiday is so nostalgic to me, and I love that our family participates, but this year, on the evening of December 12, I realized I didn't have saffron to make the buns and just didn't have it in me to run to Kroger. So we skipped it this year. I hope we celebrate next year, but it didn't make the cut this year. Sorry, Lucia.
So what did stick around?
This year our family went to the Cincinnati Pops Orchestra holiday concert. We’ve actually done this three years in a row, and honestly, I enjoy it way more than the Zoo Lights. I’m hoping to go again next year. Sounds like a tradition in the making, but I’ll hold it loosely.
Our family also gathered on Sunday nights this month (or Monday nights for the weeks Sunday got away from us) for a time to remember this Advent season- the coming season of Christ. This is also something we’ve done most years and perhaps resembles a tradition, but our Advent time this year looked way different—in all the best ways!— than it did years ago when we gathered toddlers for candle lighting and Bible reading. Our kids can read the Bible, discuss the Bible, and even plunk out a tune on the piano.
And just this weekend we decorated Christmas cookies. We’ve done this most years, and I’ll go ahead and say, we’ve become pretty serious cookie decorators over the years. We’ve perfected the cookie and frosting recipe, and with the help of squeezy bottles, jellyroll pans, and disposable tablecloths, we’ve nailed the clean up time.
Turns out many of the traditions I tried to create when my kids were tiny served a purpose but haven’t stuck around. One or two—perhaps ones I didn’t expect—rose to the top, but now we can look around and say, “Hey, remember when we _________ last year? We liked that. We should do it again.” And major bonus, traditions with kids who no longer need a double stroller, diaper bag, 17 snacks, layers in case they get warm, and backup mittens in case they get cold are way better.
So happy Christmas, and cheers to the traditions of the past. May we remember them with fondness.
Cheers to traditions that took a year off. May we give ourselves grace, not guilt.
And cheers to traditions that evolve as our families change. May we celebrate those with joy.