The hard news is we said good-bye to this little girl last week.
The good news is she is back with her mom.
Over the last five months we have grown attached to this darling, and at the same time, we have also developed a deep love for her mom.
Her mom made mistakes, the kind of mistakes policemen and social services deem too big for her to also be allowed to care for her child. There are many nights I lay in bed imagining what it would be like to watch a caseworker take my child away. I wonder about the guilt a mother must feel when her child is sent to live with strangers. Carrying the shame of your mistakes alongside fear for your child's well-being is a heavy load.
I don’t know her mom, but I did meet her. We talked each week when I brought her daughter for two hour visitations, and we emailed back and forth on the days in between. I sent pictures, and she sent bags full of snacks. I asked lots of questions, and she taught me how to care for her daughter’s hair. She was thankful and kind and head-over-heels for her girl.
I say this because it is too often we hear the words foster care and think unfit, neglectful drunk parents. This was not my experience.
Last week we received a phone call at 9 in the morning that this little girl would go home that day. We ran around collecting her clothes and snuck in one last trip to the pool. Later that afternoon I drove her to her mom’s house. As I drove, I thought about how we say motherhood takes a village, and although this mother never chose me, somehow I ended up in her village.
It’s hard to know what to say to a mom as you hand her child back after five months. She handed me flowers and gave my children cookies to say thank you. I hugged her and choked back tears as I told her, “I know if you had planned your own life, I would never have been a part of it. I know you never would have wanted your daughter to leave your care and come to our home. But I’m glad someone chose us. I loved knowing your daughter, and I’m really glad I got to meet you, too.” And then we left. Sometimes you say good-bye to someone and in a tiny corner of your heart you know you won’t ever see them again. This felt like one of those good-byes.
I will forever hold this little girl’s smile and silly giggle in my heart, and I will always root for her mom, praying victory and healing over her life. Motherhood is hard, and it was an honor for our family to fill the gap.
So I guess my ultimate favorite thing about June was seeing this dear back in her mother’s arms and knowing God chose our family to have a tiny part in their story.
Reading
This was a good month of reading! Kristin Hannah rarely disappoints, and The Four Winds was no exception. It is a heartbreaking story, and at times I had to stop reading because it was so heavy (which is exactly how I felt about her book The Nightingale), but the story is compelling and eye-opening. Hannah does an incredible job writing the character of a mom who endures in the worst of circumstances for the sake of herself and her children. For me, this makes her books even harder to read but also so powerful.
Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid: If I were in a book club, I’d be throwing copies of this one to every reader. It is an incredible story, and one that begs to be discussed. When a 25 year-old black babysitter is out late one night with a young white child, she is confronted and accused of kidnapping the toddler. This premise drew me in immediately, but I was surprised and even frustrated by how the author chose to play it all out. Although the writing, specifically the dialogue, was a bit tedious, the character’s choices and responses gave me so much to think about. One of my many lingering questions is in regards to the title—Such a Fun Age? Why that title?
Eating
We went strawberry picking, so our course we made this strawberry-rhubarb pie. * I use corn starch instead of tapioca.*
And this salad from Shauna Niequist’s book Savor is on repeat in our kitchen. My measurements are never exact; I just go with what I have.
4-6 ears of raw, fresh corn cut from the cob
1 or 2 cucumber, diced
2-4 peppers, diced
as many cherry tomatoes as I have cut in half
a bunch of fresh dill, chopped
a bunch of fresh basil, chopped
a good handful of crumbled feta
salt & pepper to taste
I cut all the veggies in the morning. It tastes better if the flavors have time to blend. When you’re ready to eat, add the herbs, feta, salt and pepper.
Listening To
This was a month of guilty pleasure podcasts which seems appropriate for summer. The Popcast was deep diving The Notebook, the ladies of One Tree Hill started a rewatch podcast, and a road trip with no kids got Stephen and me hooked on some Crime Junkie. Do you think less of me?
What’s Make Me Smile
Summer. All things summer are making me smile. Strawberry picking. Days at the pool. Ice cream with cousins. Swim team. Cheering on more cousins at baseball games. A birthday burger celebration. Did I mention days at the pool?
Until next time,
