keep going

I watched as three-year-old Milo followed the lead of his older brother, climbing up the side of what I can only describe as a massive spider web, tunnel-like structure made of rope at a nearby park. It is a favorite feature for older kids but terrifying for parents of toddlers who can easily climb up the side but freeze once they get to the top and are now out of reach. We frequent this park, and I have yet to visit when I don’t see a parent, arms extended straight up, reaching helplessly toward a child who has stopped at the top of these ropes. Today, that child was Milo.

He wasn’t panicking. In fact, he didn’t even call out to me. I had watched him from across the playground and slowly made my way in that direction as he continued to climb. I suspected my assistance might be needed soon. I stepped through the ropes and stood underneath him.

“Are you stuck?” I called up to him.

He smiled at me with those double dimples. “I tink so,” he responded.

At this point, a parent’s options are limited. You either convince your child to jump down into your arms, coach them step-by-step in maneuvering downward, or swallow your pride and start climbing yourself up that web. I lean toward option #2, and have thankfully, never attempted option #3.

Milo was still calm, so I thought I’d weigh in on his thoughts. “What’s your plan, buddy?”

Without a moment of hesitation, he told me. “Keep going and never give up!”

This was not the plan I expected, but his Daniel Tiger-like gumption was admirable—and adorable. My insides were shaking with laughter, but he was so serious that I couldn’t ruin the moment. I kept a straight face, considered his plan, and responded. “I like that plan. Do you need my help?”

“Dust stay right there,” he told me as he began jockeying his little legs and arms around the black ropes. I watched him climb down to solid ground, dust off his hands, and give me a thumbs up. A thumbs up! There is nothing more precious than a three-year-old initiating a thumbs up. I shot one back at him and watched him run toward the next adventure.

*****

This past January, I went away to my tiny house for a few days of introverting. It’s not actually MY tiny house, but this was my third solo get-away to this particular tiny house, so it feels like mine. I bring books, journals, Paper Mate flair pens, and all the individually sized food from Trader’s Joes that I don’t normally buy for our family. I lock myself into the tiny house to read, write, think, and do nothing. It’s dreamy. 

I signed up for a free one-hour writing course that happened to be going live during my getaway. The workshop promised to help me find clarity in my writing. About halfway through the hour, we were presented with the dreaded question: one year from now, what do you want to have accomplished in your writing life?

I hate that question. 

There is an expectation that because I enjoy something, then I must want to take it to the next level. If I show even an ounce of talent, then I must want to be known for it, monetize it, grow my audience, and further my platform. 

All the expected answers came rolling into the chat box: write a book proposal, find a publisher, start my novel, publish a book.

I gave the same answer I give anytime this question is asked: I want to still be writing. 

This doesn’t just happen with writing. 

I’ve taught Zumba for eleven years and every so often someone will ask, “Are you going to become an international Zumba star?” (Ok, that might not be the exact question, but you get the idea.)

No, I’m pretty content just teaching a couple classes a week at our local rec center. 

Then I panic for a minute and wonder if I’m lame and lack ambition. 

When I was a first grade teacher, everyone asked me if I wanted to be a principal one day. 

No. I like being a teacher. (Wait, should I want to be a principal?)

When I was a literacy coach, everyone asked if I was going to start my own consulting business. 

No. I like being a literacy coach. (Maybe I should start thinking bigger for myself.)

These questions are meant as compliments—I think. Someone sees me doing something well and wants even more success for me. I am grateful for such affirmation. 

But my greatest goal is to keep going. 

Keep writing. Keep reading my Bible. Keep apologizing. Keep holding Stephen’s hand. Keep reading books with my kids. Keep cooking good food. Keep praying. Keep hiring babysitters for date nights. Keep opening our home to another foster child. Keep calling my parents. Keep dancing. Keep going on walks. Keep investing in true friends. Keep making new friends. Keep getting up early. Keep engaging in our church. Keep being faithful to the small things that matter most.

I have no extraordinary goals. No well thought-out plans for the next five years. But I think that’s ok. And the next time someone asks me about my plans, I will steal Milo’s words: keep going and never give up. And then I’ll give them a thumbs up.

mostly rome and a small monthly roundup

Stephen and I took the trip of a lifetime this month.

To Rome. With no children. For a week. Will you stop reading if I also tell you that Stephen’s work paid for parts of it because he was there for a conference? And what about the part where we were upgraded to a suite, a corner suite with four windows, two on each wall—the kind of windows you throw open like you’re in a Disney movie?

But before I bombard the internet with the best pictures telling the best parts of this amazing trip, let me also tell you this. The lead-up to this trip was enormous for me, and not in the fun way where the anticipation and planning of a vacation is half the fun. It was more in the are-you-sure-we-should-do-this-I-might-back-out-and-just-let-you-go kind of way.

Let’s be clear that Stephen planned this entire trip—every reservation, every tour, every Covid requirement. There was one night I foolishly asked if I should be helping, and he put me in charge of public transportation. Public transportation?! This is the worst responsibility known to human kind, particularly in a foreign country. Stephen does this thing where he tries to boost my ego by telling me I’m so good at maps and schedules and buses, but I’m no fool. Public transportation is the shortest of all the straws, and I was stuck with it. But did we make it from the airport to our hotel on the correct train? We did.

My other responsibility was packing myself and four children to be away for ten days. One could easily argue this is worse than public transportation. Ten days is a long time. You can be sure this post will not include any pictures of me packing because who really wants to remember all those post-it notes, all those laundry baskets, and all those death stares I gave any child who dare touch my piles.

“I need to order more underwear for the kids. They don’t even have enough underwear to be gone this long! And I need Elderberry syrup. They should be taking lots of Elderberry right now. I don’t want them to get sick at your parents.”

Stephen reminded me that his mom was capable of doing laundry or, the more likely scenario, the kids could go a couple days without underwear. He didn’t comment on the Elderberry syrup. I added some to the Amazon cart.

As I should have expected, each day leading up to the trip brought a new ailment. Children were coughing and spiking middle-of-the-night fevers. I was in the ER getting x-rays of my ankle because I fell walking down the street. That’s all. Just walking down the street. None of these moments were captured on camera either.

There was also an emotional tension that hung around our house as we packed suitcases, and I could tell everyone was nervous in their own way. I pulled up a map of Europe to remember how close Italy is to Ukraine, and I laid in bed imagining worst-case scenarios. My anxiety peaked when a dear friends chimed in with, “I hate to ask this, but I feel like it’s my job. You guys have a will, right?” It was a necessary question but an awful one, too. I don’t have pictures of any of that.

On all accounts this was a perfect trip: the food, the wine, the sites, the weather, and especially the company. We have no horror stories of lost luggage, stolen purses, or debilitating illnesses. Instead, we have a stories about late night scooter rides past the Colosseum and closing down the Vatican Museums with a secruity guard. We witnessed a marriage proposal in the Sistine Chapel, and we laughed our way through an Italian tour of the Colosseum because all the English tours were sold out. We took a crazy amount of food pictures and every time we squeezed our heads together for another selfie, there was a bright blue sky behind us.

But when those marriage experts tell you to get away with your spouse, they don’t mention that the weeks leading up to that getaway will knock you out. Lesson learned: plow through it. Carbonara awaits.

And now, let the bombarding of the best pictures begin.

Our hotel overlooking the ruins of Julius Caesar’s childhood home. Can you find Stephen in the corner window?

And just so there’s evidence that Stephen did indeed have to work while we were there…

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The monthly round up will be minimal this month because, well, Rome.

Reading

This has been on the to-read list for years, so I snagged a paperback copy from the library to read on the plane. It's hard to not adore Eleanor. Her quirkiness is endearing, but as I got to know her pain and the depth of her character, I just loved her. I certainly enjoyed this book, but I will admit, I was expecting to love it even more after all the hype this one got. 4/5 stars

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This book started out very slow for me. I had neutral feelings toward all the characters and so many unanswered questions in regards to their motives and decisions. The second half picked up, and I enjoyed that much more; however, the ending was tied up with such a perfect little bow that it felt artificial and kind of ruined it for me. 2/5 stars

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I really enjoy Jenny's writing and recipes! Her first book, Dinner: A Love Story, is by far the most used cookbook in our home, so I've had this book on my to-read list for a long time. I am totally on board for all things involving food rituals for special occasions and the day-to-day. I enjoyed reading about Jenny's traditions and the way it sparked my own thinking about the many simple food rituals we have in our family. I haven't actually tried any of these recipes yet, but I have three on the menu for next month. (I will report back.) My only complaint with this book (and Dinner: A Love Story) is that there is no recipe index which leaves me flipping and flipping to find what I want or even just browse. 5/5 stars

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Reading with the Darlings

We just discovered the Narwhal and Jelly series. The witty banter reminds me of the Piggy and Elephant books, and I found them to be just delightful.

Bravery has been a long-standing favorite magazine in our home. We are heartbroken that this Misty Copeland issue will be their last. Months ago, Charlotte submitted art work for this issue. We never heard back and assumed she wasn’t chosen. Our whole family was screaming with glee when the magazine arrived at our house, and we saw Charlotte’s art had indeed been chosen!

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Eating

It was difficult to transition from Italian food—although also necessary. It’s almost as if our bodies are not made to be eating pastries, pasta, cheese, and wine for every meal. Bummer.

But I always like getting back to cooking after a vacation, and I went right for some classics. Pork Ragu (wait, more pasta?!) and Chicken Orzo Soup (we used egg noodles) are both from Dinner: A Love Story (mentioned above). We have made dozens of different versions of these veggie subs using whatever veggies we have around, and the secret is to buy day-old Jimmy John’s bread for $0.50 a loaf! And the dressing and slaw on these Hawaiian Chicken Tacos is top-notch.

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Til next time.

monthly roundup: february 2022

Our family makes a big deal out of Valentine’s Day. 

Wait. Before you roll your eyes, let me explain. 

Stephen and I never thought much of the holiday, riding along in the boat of people who considered it overblown and unnecessary. You can tell me you love me any day. Please don’t waste money on flowers and chocolates.

But then, when Charlotte was four-years-old, she declared it her favorite holiday. That’s right. Favorite holiday. Flying right past Christmas, her birthday, even Halloween. Personally, I would have given 4th of July a second glance before landing on Valentine’s Day, but she said it, she meant it, and she is sticking to it.

The creative in her nearly exploded when she found out she could make personalized valentines for each child in her preschool class. To her utter horror, I brought her to Target where she stared in bewilderment at all the premade, fill-in-blank valentine options. 

“So all you do is fill in the names? Why would anyone want that? It’s so boring.” Little four-year-old Charlotte and I left Target that day with no valentines, but at least $25 worth of stickers, glitter, candy, paper, and heart-shaped doilies. 

“So what do we do at home to celebrate Valentine’s Day?” she asked. 

Oh geez. At home? “Oh…well…we…have a special family Valentine’s dinner.” 

“Really?!?” Her eyes grew wider by the second. “What’s special about it?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see.” I smiled and mentally rearranged my week to be sure I could get to Hobby Lobby and hopefully snag some 50% off decorations. 

By the time Charlotte was home from preschool on Valentine’s Day, I had snazzed up the table with a red tablecloth and any pink or red trinket I could find. To my great fortune, it was everything she dreamed it would be. 

And here I am. Five years later. Beginning our Valentine’s Day preparations in mid-January. I haul up an actual Valentine's Day tub from the basement and help the darlings make oh-so-very-personalized valentines for each friend. We buy flowers for teachers because teachers are the most loved. I still throw down a cheap plastic tablecloth and decorate the table with gaudy goodies we’ve collected over the years. I string heart garland from the ceiling and an L-O-V-E banner across the mirror. I make Penne Vodka because pasta is its own love language, and I melt chocolate in the microwave and call it fondue because that feels fancy. Stephen and I give the kids the same gift every year—a coupon for a donut date with dad and a bookstore date with mom. I also keep refilling the same Valentine’s Day Pez dispensers I bought a few years ago. There are no surprises because my mental energy is still recovering from all the surprises of Christmas. After dinner, the kids sprawl out the loot from their school parties, inhaling chalky candy hearts and helping each other hold wet towels over temporary heart tattoos. They read each valentine, and Charlotte extends grace to all the children who use those “boring” valentines. 

Valentine’s Day gets a bad rap, and I get it. My palms still start to itch when I think of those Candygrams the student council sold in junior high, forcing every awkward preteen to wonder if somebody, anybody, spent the 50 cents to save them from the horror of being left Candygramless on February 14. It's a rough holiday. 

But when grown-up Joy explains in preschool terms that Valentine's Day is a day to show our love to the people we care about, well, it doesn’t sound so bad. There will come a day when my Pez dispensers and fancy red cloth napkins won’t elicit the same dazzling response, so for now, I’ll take any reason to gather my team around a table and say I love you.

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Reading

4/5 Stars

This was one of the most intriguing books I have ever read, unsettling and provocative in all the best ways. I was immediately drawn into the story and read the first 200 pages in a day or two. Unfortunately, the middle of the book really dragged on for me. I felt like there were many short chapters that didn't add to the plot or move the story along which is why I gave it 4 stars. I was very curious to see how such a twisted story would wrap up and was surprisingly satisfied by the ending. This was a great read!

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5/5 Stars

I don't normally give books in this genre a 5 star rating, but today, I'm going for it. I really loved this one, even more so the The Friend Zone, #1. It was one of those books that when I wasn't reading it, I kept thinking about the characters and wondering what they were doing and if they were ok. (Am I the only one who does that?) I sped through it in 2 days and neglected house work because I was enjoying it so much. I also thought the playlist was a clever idea and have been listening to it on Spotify.

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5/5 Stars

I haven’t read these book since they first came out, and it is so fun rereading them alongside Charlotte!

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3/5 Stars

My three star rating is solely a reflection on my indifference toward poetry. I wanted to expand outside of my typical reading genres and try something I wouldn't normally pick up. I enjoyed the book, but poetry just isn't my favorite.

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4/5 Stars

Sarah Bessey continues to be one of my favorite writers. This book of prayers was challenging and inspiring, helping me rethink prayer in its most honest and raw form. Some of the prayers I've already gone back to over and over include Finding Rest, A Prayer for the Tired, Angry Ones, A Prayer for When You Don't Even Know What You Want, and A Prayer to Learn to Love the World Again.

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Reading With The Darlings

I was probably in 4th grade the last time I read this book, and I’m so glad it was still as delightful as I remember. I also remember gathering around the book with my friends to find the swear words, but these are easy to skip over when reading aloud. We switched back and forth between the hard copy and audio version with this one, listening to quite a bit of it in the school drop off line.

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We all enjoyed this beautifully illustrated picture book that left us wondering—Was that a dream? Did it really happen? The subtle messages about growing up and becoming independent were lost of my kids, but they loved the sense of adventure and imagination in this story.

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Listening To

This conversation between Carlos Whittake and Derek Webb was excellent. There are a lot of people talking about deconstructing their faith, particularly those who grew up in Evangelical churches, youth groups, and Christian colleges. This conversation between disagreeing friends was covered in respect, humor, and thoughtful language. Many conversations around deconstruction leave me feeling cynical, but this left me hopeful and wanting to listen one more time.

I’ll be following the She Reads Truth Lent reading plan this year, and this podcast kicked off the seven-week study.

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Making Me Smile

Because Christmas and New Year’s was such a mess for us, I threw most of my Christmas gifts into the closet and forgot about them, and then more gifts came my way in January for my birthday. February was my chance to finally enjoy some of those gifts! I am loving these shoe, this teeth whitening set, this lipstick, this coziness from Athleta (on sale!), and these reusable paper towels. And yes, I asked for reusable paper towels for Christmas. Cheers to being middle-aged.

Some family moments that made me smile include old-man Andrew for his 100th day of school…

Seeing our Bengals in the Super Bowl, even if it was a disappointing loss…

Charlotte ordering a London Fog on our brunch date…

and still wearing her Cinderella dress in public. It was Cinderella the Ballet so it worked, but I can probably use one hand to count the number of times left that she will play dress up.

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Because One Day You Won’t: A Shortened Version of This Series

Because one day you won’t sneak downstairs to leave an apology for me on the chalkboard.

Because one day you won’t all sit on your knees at dinner.

Until next time.

monthly roundup: january 2022

December was hard; each morning I woke up tip-toeing into the day thinking maybe we were past the worst. Each day I was wrong. Just to be clear, when I say hard, I am talking about inconvenient, frustrating, exhausting. I’m talking about ear infections, a child puking on the bus, multiple calls from the school nurse, 7 trips to the doctor, 24 covid tests, 12 bottles of medicine on the counter, intense tantrums, spoiled Christmas traditions, grumpiness from all members of the family, a lame wedding anniversary, a newborn sleep schedule, big emotions, all while preparing for 4 days of out-of-town family to visit over Christmas.

We crawled through Christmas, and I was ready to toss that holly jolly season to the curb along with the tree we hadn’t watered since December 4. I mistakenly thought I might be able to now catch my breath—then Covid hit our family. The details of those weeks still feel too raw to write about, but I will share this because my God is worthy of some boasting. Those ugly weeks were the start of an intensive healing in our family that we desperately needed.

Stephen, the first man down, tested positive on December 31. I would never have believed that one month later—January 31, my birthday, we would be in such a sweet spot. Rock bottom turned out to also be a fresh start.

I am still learning to praise God on my worst days—to declare his goodness and faithfulness when I’m angry and exhausted and sick and crying on the bathroom floor. 

But today I’m not dragging along, depleted and weak. Today I feel refreshed and whole. I feel amazed that somehow this month turned around and became a time of heart and soul healing for me and our family. 

God is worthy of my praise all the time, but what a gift that today, on my birthday, I get to praise Him from an abundance of joy and peace. I never would have guessed that a month ago.

It was a simple but lovely day, filled with a giant omelet, precious cards, good food, a great cocktail, my favorite cake (see below for the recipe!), and lots of hugs. And please take note of the journal next to my dinner plate. Charlotte gave me to permission to journal while I waited for my food. It’s good to be known.

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Reading

The year is already off to great start when it comes to reading! Covid provide 5 days of quarantine with plenty of time to read, so I was able to read more this month than usual. Click on each book to see my Goodreads review. They are listed in order of my favorites.

5/5 Stars

5/5 Stars

5/5 Stars

4/5 Stars

4/5 Stars

3/5 Stars

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Reading with the Darlings

This month we finished Cricket in Time Square and The Lemonade War. Click on each chapter book to see our Goodreads review—The Lemonade War review is written by Charlotte. The Circus Ship is a delightful picture book that we read together probably ten times this month! I’ve caught each child paging through the book alone and camping out on the two-page spread with all the hidden animals. I think you’ll love it!

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Listening To

If you are a girl who grew up in the church, I can just about gaurentee your small group leader recommended the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers somewhere around the age 18. You read it. Loved it. Cried yourself to sleep and only halfway understood that this book is about God’s love for His people and not the lie that you will one day meet a man who will a save you. Can all the youth group girls say amen? Annie F. Downs interviewed Francine Rivers this month as the movie Redeeming Love hit theaters. I haven’t seen the movie yet, but this interview further cemented my love for Francine.

I was once a steady user of the She Reads Truth Bible reading plans but stepped away to use other resources this past year. I didn’t even realized they had started a podcast. This month I jumped back into one of their reading plans, the Gospel of John and have really enjoyed the weekly podcasts that go along with the reading plan.

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Eating

Our family was hit with Covid starting on December 31, so I cooked nothing the first two weeks of January, living off the life-saving meals delivered to my door by friends and those blessed Door Dash heroes. We re-entered life these past two weeks, just in time to cheer on our beloved Cincinnati Bengals and eat our favorite pulled pork sandwiches.

My children are also obsessed with Trader Joe’s Orange Chicken. I wasn’t sure how this Vegan Orange Chicken version would go down. The key is to NEVER call it chicken, and do not audibly compare it to Trader Joe’s Orange Chicken. I called them Crispy Orange Cauliflower Bites, and everyone ate them. No complaints. P.S. Always make extra sauce.

I like to make my own birthday cake, and I’m pretty sure this Chocolate Coconut Cake has secured its place as my forever birthday cake.

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Making Me Smile

Despite the rough start, there were plenty of moments this month that made me smile: A Citizenship Award celebration, sledding in our front yard, rollerskating with the big kids, a dance competition, Milo’s unending adoration for Leo, AND of course, our Cincinnati Bengals going to the Superbowl!

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Because One Day You Won’t: A Shortened Version of This Series

Because one day you won’t wear a pirate bandana, three ties, and hedgehog slippers.

reading in review: 2021

I’m gonna go ahead and give myself a pat on the back. I read more books this year than perhaps in any year of my life, and certainly since becoming a mom. 32 books! 10,490 pages! (Thanks for the math, Goodreads.) This is up from 22 books the previous year, and I am looking back on this year of reading with such joy!

I know there are a lot of posts about Favorite Books of 2021 going around right now, but I’ll happily add to the noise because I love seeing what other people are reading and enjoying. Looking back on my reading life is a favorite way for me to remember the year because books mark moments and memories for me. Whether it was a Hilton Head beach read (Thanks, Fangirl!), an all-time favorite book with the kids (Oh, Very, Very, Far North—we’ll never forget you.), a Zoom Book Club with my college besties (Hey there, Saint and Scoundrels.), one that changed the way I care for my body (You’re saving my life, Circadian Code.), or the rare occasion Stephen and I have read (and liked!) the same book (I’m looking at you, Vanishing Half), each book feels like a real part of my life this year.

So here you go: some favorites, a few misses, and two tips that helped me read more this year.

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2021 Favorite Books

Click on each book to see my Goodreads review.

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A Few Misses

All three of these books have great reviews, and I know so many people who loved them. I’m just not one of those people.

I was really excited to read this one because I loved The Mother-In-Law. Sadly, this one was just so-so for me. The first half (maybe more) was pretty slow, and I found myself disconnected from the characters. The action picked up in the last half, and I stayed up late finishing the last 100 pages (how late I stay up reading is directly connected to how many stars I give a book!), but even by the end, I didn't care about the characters as much as I wanted to.

I think this is one of the most highly acclaimed books on both Goodreads and Amazon, and oh man, I really wanted to like it more than I did. There is so much beauty in the artwork, and some of the individual pages are worth tearing out and framing, but as a whole, this book just didn't come together for me or my kids.

I didn’t even finish this one. (See Tip #2 below.) I stopped after 100 pages because reading it felt like a chore. I was having trouble visualizing the story, and I wasn’t connecting with the characters. It was a big ol’ miss for me.

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My Reading Tips

1. After finishing a book, I have a strict rule to start a new one within 24 hours. I always have a stack, 3-4 books (ok, 15-20) ready to go so I can pick up my next read almost immediately. If I let too many days (or weeks!) go in between books, then I lose my reading habits and momentum.

2. I’ve stopped feeling guilty about abandoning books. I will give a book 100 pages, but if I don’t look forward to picking it up once I’m 100 pages in, I’m done with it. There are simply too many good books to waste my precious reading time dragging through something I’m not loving.

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Looking Ahead

I’m already two books in to 2022 and excited to connect new books to moments and memories of this year. As you can tell, I use Goodreads to chronicle my reading life. I love to see what my friends are reading, so if you’re a Goodreads user, be sure to find me and create your own Reading Challenge!

And P.S. If you are not the kind of person who likes to document their reading life and set reading goals and rate books and write reviews, that’s ok too. Don’t be peer pressured into something that would bring you no joy.