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Joy A. Becker

  • Home
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  • Essays
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    • Because One Day You Won't

favorite things: july 2021

August 1, 2021 Joy Becker
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Hello again. I hope this month surrounded you with all the good things of summer. I hope your days were filled with sunscreen, bright toe nail polish, and really good tomatoes. I hope you adventured to new places and also spent time on your own front porch. I hope someone held the door for you when your hands were full, and I hope you complimented a stranger rather than just thinking a nice thought in your head. I hope you drank enough water but got in some good iced coffee, too. I hope you took a morning walk before it got too hot, and I hope you stayed up late watching the Olympics. And mostly, I hope this month was a deep breath of fresh air after a year of clenching.


Reading

Jesus and John Wayne—The subtitle for this book is How White Evangelicals Corrupted A Faith and Fractured a Nation (ouch), and it was recommended by so many people, mainly friends who, like me, grew up immersed in a large white evangelical church. It isn’t an easy read, but it has been an important one. I should admit I am only about a quarter of the way through this book because I can only read a small section at time before I need to stop and process (which is how Stephen and I ended up talking about Billy Graham for a good chunk of our first date night in 17 + months). It is frustrating yet refining and certainly a worthy read. And on the nights this month I needed to crash with some good fiction that didn’t make me want to cry, The Dearly Beloved was a great read. (Although I do think I cried a bit.)

I also flew through the YA historical fiction book, Salt to the Sea. This books tells the story of the Wilhelm Gustloff, an ocean liner converted into a hospital ship during WWII. The ship was built to accommodate 1,900 people, but in 1945 an estimated 10,000 refuges and wounded soldiers boarded the ship. When Soviet submarines fired three torpedoes into its side, the ship and nearly 9,000 people sunk into the Baltic Sea, making it the deadliest (yet shockingly little-known) shipwreck in history. I knew nothing of this ship and its story. It was tragic and heartbreaking, as all war stories are, but I am a big fan of historical fiction, and I’m so glad I read this one.


Reading With the Darlings

Surely I’ve mentioned my love for Bravery Magazine here before. We pulled out an older issue to reread and get into the Olympic spirit.

Ever since we saw baby sea turtles hatch and journey to the ocean while vacationing in Ocean Isle, we have had a deep love for sea turtles. We just discovered Follow The Moon Home, and it is a definite new favorite!


Eating

Summer eating has been good to us! We’ve loved this coconut lime grilled chicken (make extra sauce—you’ll eat it by the spoonful!), this egg roll in a bowl (15 minute meal, people!) this salmon (mango salsa!) these Greek kabobs (I added zucchini to the skewers), this quinoa salad, and this lemon pie (so easy and so summer!). *Note* My family loved all of these, but my darlings don’t like quinoa, so they just ate the mango, peppers, and edamame. In the summertime, that is a totally acceptable dinner.


Making Me Smile

Cincinnati! After a year in our home, we have taken full advantage of getting back out into the city we love!


Because One Day You Won’t: A Shortened Version of This Series

Because one day you won’t leave your carrot stumps on my night stand.

(Andrew has a wonderful habit of grabbing full sized carrots out of the fridge and chowing them down. He has a terrible habit of leaving the stumps lying around the house.)

Until next time.

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favorite things: june 2021

July 1, 2021 Joy Becker
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The hard news is we said good-bye to this little girl last week. 

The good news is she is back with her mom. 

Over the last five months we have grown attached to this darling, and at the same time, we have also developed a deep love for her mom. 

Her mom made mistakes, the kind of mistakes policemen and social services deem too big for her to also be allowed to care for her child. There are many nights I lay in bed imagining what it would be like to watch a caseworker take my child away. I wonder about the guilt a mother must feel when her child is sent to live with strangers. Carrying the shame of your mistakes alongside fear for your child's well-being is a heavy load. 

I don’t know her mom, but I did meet her. We talked each week when I brought her daughter for two hour visitations, and we emailed back and forth on the days in between. I sent pictures, and she sent bags full of snacks. I asked lots of questions, and she taught me how to care for her daughter’s hair. She was thankful and kind and head-over-heels for her girl. 

I say this because it is too often we hear the words foster care and think unfit, neglectful drunk parents. This was not my experience. 

Last week we received a phone call at 9 in the morning that this little girl would go home that day. We ran around collecting her clothes and snuck in one last trip to the pool. Later that afternoon I drove her to her mom’s house. As I drove, I thought about how we say motherhood takes a village, and although this mother never chose me, somehow I ended up in her village.  

It’s hard to know what to say to a mom as you hand her child back after five months. She handed me flowers and gave my children cookies to say thank you. I hugged her and choked back tears as I told her, “I know if you had planned your own life, I would never have been a part of it. I know you never would have wanted your daughter to leave your care and come to our home. But I’m glad someone chose us. I loved knowing your daughter, and I’m really glad I got to meet you, too.” And then we left. Sometimes you say good-bye to someone and in a tiny corner of your heart you know you won’t ever see them again. This felt like one of those good-byes.

I will forever hold this little girl’s smile and silly giggle in my heart, and I will always root for her mom, praying victory and healing over her life. Motherhood is hard, and it was an honor for our family to fill the gap.

So I guess my ultimate favorite thing about June was seeing this dear back in her mother’s arms and knowing God chose our family to have a tiny part in their story. 


Reading

This was a good month of reading! Kristin Hannah rarely disappoints, and The Four Winds was no exception. It is a heartbreaking story, and at times I had to stop reading because it was so heavy (which is exactly how I felt about her book The Nightingale), but the story is compelling and eye-opening. Hannah does an incredible job writing the character of a mom who endures in the worst of circumstances for the sake of herself and her children. For me, this makes her books even harder to read but also so powerful.

Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid: If I were in a book club, I’d be throwing copies of this one to every reader. It is an incredible story, and one that begs to be discussed. When a 25 year-old black babysitter is out late one night with a young white child, she is confronted and accused of kidnapping the toddler. This premise drew me in immediately, but I was surprised and even frustrated by how the author chose to play it all out. Although the writing, specifically the dialogue, was a bit tedious, the character’s choices and responses gave me so much to think about. One of my many lingering questions is in regards to the title—Such a Fun Age? Why that title?


Eating

We went strawberry picking, so our course we made this strawberry-rhubarb pie. * I use corn starch instead of tapioca.*

And this salad from Shauna Niequist’s book Savor is on repeat in our kitchen. My measurements are never exact; I just go with what I have.

  • 4-6 ears of raw, fresh corn cut from the cob

  • 1 or 2 cucumber, diced

  • 2-4 peppers, diced

  • as many cherry tomatoes as I have cut in half

  • a bunch of fresh dill, chopped

  • a bunch of fresh basil, chopped

  • a good handful of crumbled feta

  • salt & pepper to taste

I cut all the veggies in the morning. It tastes better if the flavors have time to blend. When you’re ready to eat, add the herbs, feta, salt and pepper.


Listening To

This was a month of guilty pleasure podcasts which seems appropriate for summer. The Popcast was deep diving The Notebook, the ladies of One Tree Hill started a rewatch podcast, and a road trip with no kids got Stephen and me hooked on some Crime Junkie. Do you think less of me?


What’s Make Me Smile

Summer. All things summer are making me smile. Strawberry picking. Days at the pool. Ice cream with cousins. Swim team. Cheering on more cousins at baseball games. A birthday burger celebration. Did I mention days at the pool?

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Until next time,

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favorite things: february 2021

February 28, 2021 Joy Becker
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Hello again. I hope this tiny month was kind to you. I hope you texted that person you kept thinking about, and I hope you asked for help when you needed it. I hope you remembered to move the clothes from the washer to the dryer before they smelled like eggs, and I hope you found a reason to wear red lipstick, even if your mask covered it up. I hope one night you turned off Netflix and read a book, and I hope another night you closed the book and watched Netflix. (I’m looking at you Firefly Lane.) I hope you said yes to something that made you smile. I hope you found your keys quickly when you were running late, and I hope you spit in the face of any lie that told you your body didn’t look like it should. I hope you cooked something really tasty, and I hope someone else cleaned up all the dishes. I hope the car next to you saw you dancing at the red light, and I hope it made them want to dance too. And I hope you found some new favorites.


Reading

I read three book this month—The Guest List by Lucy Foley, Glitter and Glue by Kelly Corrigan, and Shiner by Amy Jo Burns—all of which earned a solid 4/5 stars. However, I would not call any of these books my favorites, and if I am to stay true to the title of this post, I will not bog you down with reviews of books I deemed good but not great. I consider them each a worthy read but didn’t have that “please-don’t-end-I’m-going-to-miss-hanging-out-with-you” feeling that I get with a five star book. For my true favorite book of the month, see below.


Reading with My Darlings

The Very Very Far North by Dan Bar-el: This was without a doubt, one of the most delightful books I have ever read with my children. We were thrilled to discover a sequel came out last fall! Even if you don’t have elementary aged children, you want to read this book. You will fall in love with each adorable character, and even if animated voices don’t feel like your thing, I double-dog-dare you to read this without letting your sillies come out. My 8-year-old wrote a review on my Goodreads account that you can check out. (P.S. Teaching your children to write a review on Goodreads that includes a brief summary and opinion is an excellent way to give them real-life opportunities to write and engage as a reader. I have a separate Goodreads shelf called “Charlotte’s Reviews.”) If forced to give a teeny, tiny, criticism of this book, it would be that the chapters are long which makes it difficult to squeeze in one more chapter before bed.


Eating

We have been intentionally eating vegetarian meals 3-4 days a week. We’ve had a few misses—sorry about those Black Bean & Quinoa Tacos, kids—but fortunately, we’ve had even more wins. This vegetarian chili claims it is “actually, the best vegetarian chili ever.” We agree. So much so, that I made it twice this month.

And from our most used cookbook, my children consumed these vegetarian peanut butter noodles like vultures.

Charlotte has decided she is making a new kind of brownie every month. January was chocolate-mint (my favorite!), and this month was peanut butter chocolate. Prepare to gasp as I admit to you that peanut butter and chocolate is one of my least favorite combinations (sorry Reese’s) which is why I was shocked to find myself shoveling a second brownie into my mouth when everyone was in the other room. Well, not that shocked. My point is: these brownies were good. *Note* She used butter, not margarine, and she added chocolate chips to the batter.


What’s Making Me Smile

We actually had snow in Cincinnati this year! Like real, cannot-see-the-grass-poking-out-snow. Two-thirds of the children have reached the glorious age where they can stay outside for hours WITHOUT me. They keep their mittens on, they walk up the sledding hill (read: our yard), and they laugh instead of wail when the sled flips over leaving them face down in the snow. I sit by the window and make the hot chocolate. Amazing.

I am a long time fan of meal planning. It saves both my sanity and my budget, and I would have no idea how to feed my family without a plan. I can’t believe I am about to say this in regards to the year 2020, but I felt like weeks were just flying by, and before I even unpacked the groceries, it was already time to meal plan for the next week. It was exhausting. Enter monthly meal planning of 2021. I now plan for the entire month in one sitting. It has been amazing. Weekly meal planning plus making the grocery list was such an ordeal. Now I can whip out a grocery list in no time since all the planning is posted on a calendar, and since I have done this for an entire two months, I’m obviously committed. (Check back in August…)

You can be sure it will be a rare occasion that I ever show you a favorite things picture from our home. There will be no throw pillows, no light fixtures, and no favorite curtains. I know my strengths; home design is not one of them. I take months (years) to make decisions about even the smallest purchases. When I say I have been looking for a way to store books in the hallway outside of the kids’ bedrooms for a year, I actually mean a full year plus a few more months. But, I love this new wall organizer, and although I wish it was about $100 cheaper, it was time to pull the trigger already. And I do smile every time I walk by it.

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Because One Day You Won’t: A Shortened Version of This Series

Because one day you won’t take Valentine’s Day so seriously.

Because one day you won’t go outside at 7:30 in the morning to excavate toy bugs out of a block of ice in your Christmas pajamas.

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Until next time,

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favorite things: january 2021

January 31, 2021 Joy Becker
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I’m such a sucker for some favorite things. I love recommendations that save me hours of searching and shopping on my own because P.S. - I hate shopping. I get easily overwhelmed by too many choices which means the mall and the internet leave me exhausted and crabby. I much prefer when someone I trust tells me, “Oooo, I love this lipstick, bra, candle, podcast, book, and coffee! You will love it, too.” Yes, please. Done and done.

Each month of 2021, I will be pulling together a small collection of my monthly favorites, so hopefully you too can find a “yes, please, done and done” on this page.


Reading

Party of Two by Jasmine Guillory: Sometimes I want books to touch my heart or challenge my thinking, but sometimes I just want a solid rom-com, and this one hit the spot. It was a fun read that I sped through in just a couple days. I’d love to know if you’ve read anything else by Guillory! 4/5 Stars

Bless This Mess by Rev. Molly Baskette and Ellen O’Donnell: This one was recommended by Sarah Bessey, and she rarely disappoints. I don’t agree with everything in this book—which is probably true of most parenting books—but it is a great starting place for thinking and discussion. I marked it up with dozens of post-it notes, and I know Stephen is eagerly waiting for me to go point by point through all my thoughts and questions. 5/5 Stars


Reading with My Darlings

One of the best parts of homeschooling is extra time to read all the amazing books that fill our library shelves. I adore our public library, and at least three times a week, I launch into a lengthy monologue about how public libraries are the greatest gift to modern society and the debt to which we owe those who have gone before us to pave the way for FREE access to books. (Charlotte: Mom’s talking about the library again. Stephen: Just let her be.) I currently have 92 books checked out of our public library, so this list could on for miles, but with the help of my darlings, I’ve limited it to our top four.

Ranger In Time Series by Kate Messner: This has been one of my favorite series to recommend to 3rd-5th grade students for years, and I’ve eagerly awaited the perfect opportunity to introduce them to my kids. (They are 6 and 8, so I’m reading them out loud.) I took a writing class with Kate Messner in 2015 when she was just beginning this series. I’m a lover of historical fiction, and what better way to bring this genre to kids than with a lovable golden retriever! We’ve been in an Earth Science unit, so it was the perfect opportunity to read Disaster on the Titanic (while learning about glaciers and icebergs) and Journey Through Ash and Smoke (while learning about volcanoes). Hurricane Katrina Rescue and Escape from the Great Earthquake are up next!

The Three Little Gators by Albert Whitman: Andrew is in kindergarten which means we work on a lot of retelling simple stories. The Three Little Pigs is perfect for this, so I check out a few (read: 10-15) versions of this story. Most of them I was familiar with, but this one was new to me, and we loved it! It was such a fun twist on the classic story.

The Top of the World: Climbing Mount Everest by Steve Jenkins: First of all, Steven Jenkins is our favorite. If you are not familiar with his brilliant collection of nonfiction books for kids, get on your library website and start clicking away. During our Earth Science unit we learned about the formation of mountains and ended up on a rabbit trail of all things Mount Everest, and this book was packed with cool information!


Listening To

This episode from The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey has been in my queue for a couple months, and I finally gave it a listen. Navigating parenthood with the additional challenges of phones and computers feels so daunting, but this podcast gave some good starting points and reminders.


Eating

For nearly 10 years, I have wanted a Le Creuset Dutch Oven, but man are those suckers expensive. I hemmed and hawed over this decision, and finally Stephen just pulled the trigger for me and bought me this one for Christmas (in red.) We decided to exchange it for a smaller size, so I didn’t really dive into this beauty until a couple weeks ago, and I’m already regretting all those years of braising I’ll never get back. I’m using it all the time! One of my most-used cook books, Dinner: A Love Story, has provided some of our tastiest opportunities with pork ragu, our favorite chicken soup, and this chicken pot pie (I just used the filling recipe, and we poured it over biscuits).


What’s Making Me Smile

With the addition of that large and oh-so-pretty red Dutch Oven, I needed to do some rearranging in our tiny kitchen. I began with the underneath cupboards which lead to the up above cupboards which lead to a total reorganization of the kitchen. The last time I organized those cupboards was the day we moved it. Things needed some reshuffling, and now, I can empty the entire dishwasher without taking a single step. #smallkitchenbenefits This definitely makes me smile.

My mom bought me this from Athleta, and now I want it in every color.

I bought this from Glossier for a secret sister gift exchange in December and ended up buying one for myself, too.


Because One Day You Won’t: A Shortened Version of This Series

Because one day you won’t spread across this table to fumble our way through another day of homeschool.

Because one day you won’t surprise your dad by decorating his office for Valentine’s Day.

Because one day you won’t both fit in a toddler bed.

Because one day you won’t give yourself a pretend black eye with a pen.

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*We take a lot of pictures of our kids sleeping. They’re just too cute when they sleep, right?


And Finally, Some News

Stephen and I have been certified foster parents since 2019 and have spent the past year helping foster care families by doing short term respite care. Over the summer we told our agency we were ready to accept a placement, and earlier this month, an 11-month-old little girl came to live with us. The transition to four children has been difficult and sweet, exhausting and exciting. There is so much pain that comes alongside a foster care placement, so much loss and grief and a desperate need for healing. We pray every day for this little darling’s mother and father—praying that Jesus would capture their hearts and change their lives so their daughter would be able to return safely home. For our family, it is honor to step in and fill the gap during this time.


Until next time,

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